Thursday, January 29, 2015

COMFORTABLE IN MISERY


"Don’t try to fix me…The pain goes deep.
Don’t try to patch it up…it is scarred over.
Your whisper echoes in my head,
“Only the Father of Light can heal…His Word can go deep into your innermost being and search

Search your thoughts, wounds, pains attitudes scars
Is this my identity forever?
Is Pain, abuse, torture, being invisible my identity forever?
The light is bright
The light is warm
“Hey let go of that…that is my identity…how will others know me if you take it?….”
The abuse, the pain   that is how people know me.
The fear of letting go
Do I want to be healed?
Do I want to change my identity?
The journey will be too painful
So here I sit
 In the dark,
Don’t try to fix me…the pain goes deep."
                                                     Poem-Cherrilynn Bisbano


 This was my life for over thirty years.   

Yes, the Lord saved me at age twenty eight.  I was on fire.  I memorized Scripture.   I ran around trying to save everyone else.



I was comfortable in my pain.

Little did I know that my pain caused others pain.

I did not trust

I was controlling

I thought I was fine.

Until…

    “Some time later, Jesus went up to Jerusalem for one of the Jewish festivals.  Now there is in Jerusalem near the Sheep Gate a pool, which in Aramaic is called Bethesda and which is surrounded by five covered colonnades.  Here a great number of disabled people used to lie—the blind, the lame, the paralyzed.  One who was there had been an invalid for thirty-eight years.  When Jesus saw him lying there and learned that he had been in this condition for a long time, he asked him, “Do you want to get well?” “Sir,” the invalid replied, “I have no one to help me into the pool when the water is stirred. While I am trying to get in, someone else goes down ahead of me.”  Then Jesus said to him, “Get up! Pick up your mat and walk.”  At once the man was cured; he picked up his mat and walked.”
John 5:1-8 

    “THAT WAS ME!   I had been sitting on my mat for almost 30 years. Did I need to wait another 8 years to begin healing?”

My mat was safe for me.  It represented my identity.  Each stain and unraveled edge became part of me.
 


“Who wants to sit when I could walk…. Maybe, just maybe  even run.”





The healing process began.
The Lord revealed to me that I was...

 COMFORTABLE IN MY MISERY

   FEARFUL OF CHANGE

   TOO WEAK TO DO THE HARD WORK

   “Therefore, strengthen your feeble arms and weak knees. “Make level paths for your feet,” so that the lame may not be disabled, but rather healed.”  Hebrews 12:12-13


The years of childhood abuse from the hands of a family member had taken its toll.

My self-talk needed to change.

“You won’t amount to anything…you are a looser”

 “No one really likes you, they are just pretending”


THE WORD OF GOD IS LIVING AND ACTIVE….

“That, however, is not the way of life you learned when you heard about Christ and were taught in him in accordance with the truth that is in Jesus.  You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds;  and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.”  Ephesians 4:20-24

  God sees me as righteous and loves me.  Wow, that was a concept that had never entered my mind.


How could that be when I felt unlovable?

Was I going to believe the Word or the lies?

I began not only memorizing the WORD

I BEGAN TO APPLY IT

To PUT IT INTO PRACTICE

Yes, the promises of God were for me: broken, unwanted, and unlovable.

“Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.  Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.” Philippians 4:8-9

I stopped at “Whatever is TRUE.”    


  


 I was believing so many lies that I needed to replace it with TRUTH


“For he chose us (ME) in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. In love he predestined us (ME) for adoption to sonship through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will” Ephesians 1:4-5

HE CHOSE ME

HE LOVES ME

But what if I messed up?   I was good at doing that. 

 What if I failed Him?

“Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.” Psalm 139:16


God knew everything that I would do before I was born and still chose to save me?

Wow!  I could not earn my salvation, so I could not do anything to lose it.

WHAT FREEDOM!

THANK YOU JESUS.

 “His divine power has given us everything we need for a godly life through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness” 2 Peter 1:3


I HAVE EVEYTHING I NEED WHEN I KNOW JESUS

JESUS IS THE WORD 

I could go on and on with scriptures that have changed my life. 

“For the word of God is alive and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart.”

The living word has hugged me

Guided me

and

Slapped me upside my head.


Yes!   The healing Word of God has changed this unlovable, unwanted, good for nothing person into


A child of THE MOST HIGH GOD

 Rescued from the dominion of Darkness and brought in to the Light

The light I shunned before.





 



Yes, it takes work

Yes it is hard

Yes IT IS WORTH IT

If you are stuck on a mat, Jesus says to you today

“Do you want to get well?”

Please don’t waste valuable time.  Start the journey NOW.

“Get up! Pick up your mat and walk”

Copyright 2015 Cherrilynn Bisbano

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